Tuesday, 17 February 2015

I want a change - Less me, and more us !

This post turned out way differently then I actually thought it would, I came into topics and thoughts I did not intend on writing. I guess I had some stuff on my mind that I really wasn't that aware of and some issues that I have thought of but always really just brushed away. I want a main MMO, that I have said before, and I want to become a writer, not just a flimsy screenshotter. 

I am currently enjoying World of Warcraft again, leveling at my own pace and doing my own thing. But it is an MMO, your not suppose to run around alone all the time are you ? Seems a bit silly, but still that is what I am enjoying right now, especially in World Of Warcraft.

Why do I always return to WoW ?

This is the question isn't it. I got so bored before Christmas of the whole expansion (WOD), it felt like something was missing. That there was not enough content to do. I felt I went through the expansion way to fast. While many would say, you just have to look for content, your not being hand held anymore! 

Yet often people don't actually tell you about all these awesome things you can do, that you haven't already done in previous expansions.

If I am done with doing all the transmog runs and achievement runs. And I dislike pet battles, and the Garrison feels like a boring Facebook game,then what is there ? 

The random BG's is horrible, it is filled with bots. The one daily, doing the super easy LFR which is now even more of a joke then ever? I used to love LFR. I don't have the motivation or will shall I say, to have set days where I raid in a guild, because many of those days, I actually don't want to play. And I don't want a game that only offers raid 2 times a week, I surely don't want to subscribe for that either.

So why am I here then ? Well some reasons are obvious. I know the game, if I need something, I know where to find it. If I am unsure about something, there is always tons of guides around that is easy to find.
I don't have to level through a long and tedious journey of boring fetch quests, because I have so many characters close to max level. I know how the game works.
The WoD leveling experience, is actually quite fun, and I am going through the Alliance part of it now, which I didn't do before Christmas.

The combat still feels very fluid to me, it's fun. I love how the healing works, I love the amount of spells I have, how the animation looks on my spells. I love that there are many races to chose from. Tons of transmogs to run with. I love the healing classes and the hunter class. And I have found it difficult to find another game that has that same feeling with the combat and classes.

I love the easy access to a lot of things, like dungeons and raids. I can play WoW for 30 minutes and done something that I feel is valuable for my character.

I actually love that the whole game is familiar, It is sort of a home. 

But I wish there was another game I loved as much.

I really do wish I could move on and find a new home, but it never happens. I jump mmo's so much it's like a evil cycle of jumping. My close to second home is FFXIV ARR. There are many things I love about the game.

I love the dungeons, I love the WHM and WAR, but there is something lacking. I can't put my finger on it. Is it that I don't find the combat as fluid? Is it the GCD? Is it because I am not as familiar with that world? There are so many things about the game I don't know. Isn't that a part of the journey, that is suppose to make a game fun, not knowing everything, and finding out about the world? Many questions I know.

I love the avatars, I love the Lalafell's and Miqote's, the spell animations, but for some reason I have not gotten into the story at all, I have skipped most parts because I get impatient. That might be a reason why I can't relate to the game. I love everything Final Fantasy related, so why haven't I made this game my home?

Is it lack of nostalgia?

Maybe this is the reason, I have not made enough memories to get a nostalgia feeling, I haven't made enough bonds with people and done enough activities with others to make some emotional bond with the game, with my avatar and the world? Is it because most of the stuff I have done in FFXIV is been solo based ? 

It's not because of the lack of trying, I have been in many FC's, and made friends.

I have a lot of friends in FFXIV, but the sad part is that they are spread over servers and time-zones. If I lived in the US, I know where I would be and that would be on Cactuar with Belghast and his friends. It seems like such a super place, where you can play casual and yet see the raids the game has to offer. 

Latency Issues.

I know some reasons I have been so bummed out with FFXIV, and that is the latency issues I have. I love the healing in this game, but some encounters in this game relies on you moving away from said attacks, if you don't move in time, it can have devastating effects on the battle. So maybe a reason I can't find my new home here is because, I have a high risk of messing up, and that makes me think I can't be "good" at the game. I know I am a good healer, But if my latency is going to mess up battles for me, is there any point ?

Easy Access.

There is a LFG and LFR tool in this game, just as in WoW. But the LFR tool is unfamiliar to me, so I have never used it. I really like these tools, it means I can be as casual as I want, yet being able to see the things the game has to offer. But I have never used it in FFXIV, in the fear of not being able to know the fights well enough, to ruin the groups by my lack of experience and unfortunate latency. The raidgroups in FFXIV are small, 8 man. And if I as a healer, don't do my job it will indeed be very obvious. That scares me, and that might be one of the reasons why I haven't made this game my new home.

Some things bothers me with FFXIV.

I am not sure exactly why these things bothers me but they do. In-game weddings and weird RP. These weddings have lots of people joining, people dress up, watching a couple get married and they make a huge deal out of it. And that is okay, for people to like it.

But I don't, and it just makes me.... very uncomfortable. I don't understand why, but it kind of just freaks me out.

I was invited to one of these once, and I was like HELLS TO THE NOES, I am not joining - I thought that to myself, I didn't actually tell them  :P

The event ended with drama, when one person who promised to show up, never did and one of the people who got married started to rage. I was amazed that someone would get so mad at a person who did not show up. Lashing out in FC chat, whining about said person.
And  all I thought about was, what if something has happened to that person in real life, what if he is hurt somewhere and you sit there, bitching and nagging about someone not showing up for a weird wedding in a game ? 

Because of that event, I ended up leaving the FC, it just creeped me out, how role-play can affect people. And how people didn't speak up, or just agreed with the person.

But I got a bit off topic there. 
I am not sure what my point is with this post. I just felt I needed to write something.

I want a main game!

One to stick with, a main MMO. But is that even possible anymore? Do you have a main MMO? That you really invest most of your MMO-time into? Or do you have to have more then one? 

I want one game because I want to become better at blogging. I want to take my blogging to a better level, a new level, I want to have a blog where I can write something good instead of my random ramblings. Become a better writer, become better at English- writing correct sentences instead of my Norwegian - English setup. Be better at looking up facts and opinions. But since I just jump around I will never be able to actually write how I want to write. Maybe If I start writing about a game, I will be more attached to the game! 

But can you write informative and good posts about a game without raiding and doing endgame?
How to kill Odin !?

I think I am frustrated with myself because I want a blog that can teach people something and me, where people can come for information. Not just my silly screenshots of lalafell laughing at a cactuar, or a half naked human paladin, dancing in a waterfall. 

Me, myself and I.

There is a lot of me, myself and I here. Something that I have come to dislike. I want more YOU and US and THEM, not I and ME's. This blog is becoming slightly, to say the least, a narcissistic place. While blogging obviously is about the thoughts and opinions about the person who writes it, I still want to be able to include more of YOU here, and less ME. As many bloggers are so very good at doing.

I don't know. I think I could be better, I just need to figure out a way to make topics. I am good at studying, I can write "reports" why have I not been able to implement it into my blog ? Maybe it is because I haven't been given an assignment, and find it hard to give myself one ?

I have a hard time motivating myself, because of the life I am currently living. I want change, I need change, and a lot of changes are coming soon in my real life. I hope this can affect my blogging, but I also hope I can make some changes by myself before I start my treatment. It would make me so proud, and bring a lot of joy and excitement.
I wish I had a magical pen!


  1. Alright, this is a tough one. And I think I need to be frank for your own sanity. Ever since I've known you, you have been unsettled and unable to settle. You do find peace and enjoyment on occasion, and that's cool, but inevitably, you get bored, and look for somewhere else to call home. I think you need to stop looking at it in a "I need a home" way, and remember that these are games and if you aren't enjoying them then you need to take a step back and work out what you love so much and why are you doing it? Are you playing games to escape? Then acknowledge that the hopping is okay and that you sometimes need to have a change of environment. That's how I, personally, manage my hopping. Perhaps you'd like to find a place you can call home ingame? In which case, I think you need to stop and rethink. Finding a home in a game is really hard. Especially for folk like us who find it hard to settle. You can find groups of people who you enjoy playing alongside and form friendships, but it's important to notice whether or not you feel truly settled, or whether you're just simply liking the people but not quite fitting in. Honestly, I think the trouble you have is that you do form connections and bond with friends (HAI) but because your mind is so unsettled, it's hard to settle elsewhere. So stop trying. :) If you want to blog more, write about what X MMO has going for casual players, how Y game helped you with your anxiety, and the fun things you got up to with Nemo in the forest, with the odd sprinkling of screenshots because these are the things that we know you for, I personally love reading and seeing your thoughts on your way of life and gaming, and clearly it's where you're most comfortable.

    To continue the Bel Effect (BECAUSE IT'S A THING NOW), maybe try the Bel Method of blogging? Wherein you sit down, think about what you've been up to and just write. I've found if my mind goes blank, going back over my days and forming a basic outline I can go through and fill in also works. This way you can keep us updated on you. And we all love you so nope, not narcissistic! *cuddle*

  2. I've only recently started following you and a lot of your post resonates with me albeit for different reasons.

    First of all, I love your style of blogging and I don't mind that your just firing whatever's on top of your mind. If I want super serious analysis I can go to one of the numerous database sites or wiki. I like blogs because they offer another view.

    Second, and this helped me a lot, just play whatever you feel like and don't overthink the why or how. If your mind feels like WoW one day, FF14 the next and then Hello Kitty Island aventures the next day just go with the flow, don't question it. This helped me a lot stop agonizing about why I play what I play.

  3. You do know me well, and I am sure others will agree with your comment, as do I. I do become easily bored, but I don't like that I do. I want to get over that, because this doesn't just affect me in the gaming world, it affects me in every aspect of my life, as in I like one thing one day, and then I am bored and I can't continue with that thing. My thoughts is that if I can just endure that short period of boredom, I can become more disciplined in my real life as well. Might sound silly because forcing yourself to play something you are bored of is really dumb but on the other hand, if I can teach myself to just endure bad patches, I can become more patient. If you understand what I am trying to say.

    And I am aware that some people do like the way I blog, but that doesn't change the fact that I want a better blog. I feel my blog is, lacking. I know it isn't. It has helped me in many ways. I just don't like the way I have ended up in the blogger world, I don't like the place I settled down at. I don't know how to explain it, and maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it in the first place, and just made some changes without actually mention it ? Because I wish for a lot of things, and they never happen. I don't go through with things I say and wish for, they are just empty words, that end up just making me feel bad in the long run.

    I do thank you for your comment, there is a lot to think about, things I don't want to realize and/or think about.

    I do use the Bel Method every time I blog. I never prepare when I blog. I just think, hmm shall I write ? Okay - open post. And then I write something.

  4. Thank you :) Nice to hear you like this clunky style *giggle*

    I have survived my mmo hopping, because I have been able to accept that way of gaming, as you just said. There are just moments when I have a hard time accept that thought, and posts like this appear.

    You will get to know me better after a while and you will see, my opinion and wishes changes very often, because I am, as Jaedia said in the comment under, I am unsettled and restless inside. But that does not stop me from hoping I could change heh.

    But yes, I will just have to accept it properly that it is all okay to be here one day, and there another :)

  5. My comment comes from experience. Trust me. :) I've tried enduring the boredom in several things (WoW raiding, book blogging..) and every single time it has ended in burnout and resentment. So instead, I just accepted that my brain works differently and if I'm bored and need a change, I sure as heck better ride with it. We all experience enjoyment differently, that makes us unique and interesting. Sometimes a random opinion might come out and a post like yesterday's pops out, but it's so rare.

    The essence of it boils down to: Try new things, but work on accepting you for you and working out the "Missy Method". <3

    Perhaps you could even try setting aside an hour for one game, half an hour for writing, or something like that, to ease yourself into some sort of routine. :)

  6. Just read the first part (I'll get to the rest later).

    It seems a common fallacy that MMOs require you to do stuff with other people. It is not necessary. An MMO just means there are thousands of people online the same time as you, in a persistent world. It doesn't mean you have to interact with them at all.

    If you want to play solo, play solo. I do.

  7. I shall try :-) I will from today, try one post a day. No matter how small, or how big, one picture, or a whole story. As long as I have one routine! I shall try my bestest best!
    And accepting myself, well that is another story, that will take a while.

  8. It seems to be what fits best for us, playing solo :) Just gotta accept that that is what is most enjoyable.

  9. OK. To answer your question. Yes, I have a main MMO. It's WoW, of course.

    What I've done to combat any possible feelings of boredom I set myself goals in the game. You know that, from my blog. It's really the first time in WoW that I've set myself goals outside of leveling tons of characters. But I had too, because I hate CRZ so much that leveling 1-90 doesn't appeal to me any more.

    Anyway, I'm rambling now. I'm happy to play solo, and have a personal guild. But I know that others want to guild with others and form friendships in the game, so I don't really have advice for them.

    BTW: How come Wildstar didn't make the post? It would be my second choice. Or maybe that would be GW2 :)

  10. I don't feel that Wildstar offers me as much as WoW and FFXIV does. And I have played that game the least of all the mmo's I have played :)

    Yes goal is usually what makes me stay as well, that's also a good reason why I often go back to wow, because I have done so many things in that game, and I can see everything that I have done. And it is very easy to set goals there, with achievements and such, since I know the game so well.

  11. I would start with a minimum of 3 per week. :) That gives you some wriggle room. Say.. Monday, Thursday, Saturday, something like that. Can blog more as the mood takes you.

    Well, yes, fair point. Start with accepting that we don't want you to change because we love you as you are and go from there, perhaps. <3

  12. Psst.. nothing wrong with being unsettled and restless as long as you can accept it. :D

  13. "But it is an MMO, your not suppose to run around alone all the time are you?" - Says who? It's your game. Play it the way that is fun for you. If that is with others, great! If that is lone wolf style, great! There is not right way and wrong way to play a game. There is only having fun or not having fun. If it ceases to be fun, stop. Otherwise, carry on.

    As to having a single game, um, no, I'm too old to have a single game. All games eventually come to an end no matter how fun they are or how much you enjoy them. For an MMO, I absolutely loved Asheron's Call. It shut down in 2004, but while it ran and while the guild I was in was un-imploded (side note: why do guilds always seem to do that?) it was the most fun I've ever had in an MMO. But my most favorite MMO to date was Star Wars Galaxies - and I played alone. It wasn't because I didn't have friends. It was because I was too busy becoming a triple-master Artisan/Merchant/Droid Engineer. I ran a large business and I was amoung the wealthiest 1% of that game pre-NGE. NGE ruined it and made all my hard work for nothing. Them's the breaks but wow did I have fun while it lasted.

    Now about blogging. I've been at it a few years and I've discovered that game reporting doesn't seem what keeps people interesting. There are many, many people - amateur and professional - reporting on games. What I think most people are interested in is reading what YOU are doing in whatever game you play. That's what I like reading about, not how to accomplish Raid X in 10 minutes. I'm not really into min-maxing or taking other people's advice on what should be fun about any game I play. So carry on. You're doing great. And thanks for keeping it going. :)

  14. Thank you for sharing, giving me some insight as to how others look at things, when comes to my questions and ponderings. And I am not the player I used to be, and while I know that, sometimes it's weird to completely accept that, instead of looking back at how you used to be. In terms of guilds, events, raids and whatnot. It is okay to play how we want to play, it is in fact our money that is used for different games, so I don' t know why I even question myself when I do know this well. And I often give advice to others - play as you wanna play. I just don't listen to myself much, and nice to hear others say it.

    Yes there are so many facts here and facts there-blogs. I don't need to be that, I just wanted to dig into something, and explore a bit on that other side of blogging. In some ways I really do like writing long essays about facts and things which is why I thought about it in the first place. I just haven't really gotten an idea of how to implement that into a gaming and blogging.
    I wanted to kind of have both worlds in my blog, one where I do my real life stuff , and silly screenshots, but also a more serious bit where I could explore a bit more of that writers world. But you have given me an idea that I can do :)

    I certainly don't look at myself as a writer. I'm just someone who thinks a lot, and don't really share opinions on matters or guides and such in the fear of getting negative feedback. Anyways, you gave me some valuable feedback, thank you :)

  15. I too have spent years hopping around MMOs looking for a 'home', but I think home is less about the game and more about the people you play it with? Iono. Anyway I enjoy your blogs and videos so I hope you figure out what kind of project you want to start. I think you have a particular talent for pictures, captions and humour, so maybe you could do stuff like this?


    (love that guy)

  16. I think your writing is very good, and detailed. Or am I following the wrong blog ? Haha !

    I guess you look at homes and mmo's the same as I do. I have had some homes in WoW which have brought a lot of fun and good memories, I guess that is why I feel most at home there now, even after all these years of running solo, or just trying to find a new home. Looking for what was perhaps?

    Greedy ? Nah, you just have expectations, mmo's these days don't have much to explore I feel, there are no hidden waterfalls, or rare treasures, or mystical hidden pathways. Maybe games do have those, but the internet is so big that, even before you have the chance to explore it, it's already been showed to you in some article or blog or whatever, that the exploration just don't feel that magical anymore. Anyways I kinda went a bit off track there.. heh

    Thank you for your comment, you totally got what I was thinking about/ was concerned about.

  17. It has indeed a lot with who you play with. I have one person I always have waiting for me in WoW, he is always there when I return. I guess he is a big part of why WoW is home now.

    Oh I don't have the imagination for that kind of stuff, although I wish I did. I was actually writing on a draft for another blog post, where I was talking about my sense of humor, that I didn't feel it came out to clear on my blogs. Maybe it does after all :) Thank you! And thank you for the suggestion, I might have to at least give it a go, looks like a fun thing to dabble with !

  18. I think the problem with ffxiv:arr is it's just too easy to burn yourself out on it. And the amount of elitist who play it doesn't help.

    I love the game personally. I have never been so involved with a character in any mmo I've played. Yea I've had ups and downs in the game but have a few good friends in game to make thints easier.

    Btw yay picture of m! :P

  19. I really love ffxiv because of the characters, the lalafell is my all time favorite character I have had in any mmo so I understand how you can be so involved in yours. I shall return to hang out with Kiba again soon, but it might take up to a whole month before that payment comes through :(
    And yes I think it's to easy to burn yourself out on ffxiv which is sad. But when I have some income I will be able to sub for more then one month at a time, which means I don't have to play it so much at a time, each session :)

    Ofc there is a picture of you, every photo I have, that I love has our lalas in them.

  20. Our lalas are the best! Gold saucer launches next week :D

  21. Meh I doubt I can pay for a sub by next week :/ But ey it will be there when I do eventually have money :D

  22. :D mega excited